An Interview With A Newly Elected Republican

This week I had the pleasure of guest hosting a Sunday news maker show; this is a transcript from my first guest.

My questions will be in normal font and my guest; a newly elected Republican Congressperson’s responses will be in italics.
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Good morning I’m Donald Flad Jr and I will be sitting in this morning while the usual host takes some time off to recover from sitting in this chair talking nonstop for 24 hours during the recent midterm elections. My guest this morning is a newly elected, Tea Party backed Republican.

Welcome Congressperson elect

Um Thanks

This was not your first run for office was it?

What’s your point asking me a question like that? Is this going to be one of those Lame Stream Media hatchet by an elitist East Coast person who reads books is it? Sarah Palin said that I should only speak to Fox but my backers thought I should come on this show.

For clarity sake let me say upfront that I went to Penn State, my father was a printer and my mother was mostly a home maker who worked outside the home and I write a blog that 25 people read so how does that make me an elitist? I was asking because you campaigned as an outsider and one of the common folks but you have held public office off and on for 25 of the past 30 years and for the last 4 years you had a lobbying job.

Don’t try to play gotcha with me you little poofter, I was not a lobbyist I was a public interest advocate.

For the Health Care industry.

I gave voice to the voiceless I advocated for free markets and protecting the American people from government takeover of their medical care.

What was the name of your organization?

KMMFOGI: Keep my Medicare free of Government Intervention. We were a group that informed senior citizens of the Obama/Pelosi/Reid/Carter/Johnson/Kennedy/Truman/Roosevelt attack on their private medical care. We warned them about death panels and brown foreign born doctors.

Death panels? Nowhere in the legislation was there a mention of death panels. Did you read the bill? And you do know that Medicare is a government run program?

I read Sarah Palin’s in-depth Tweets about the Hitler like attack on our perfect health care system. Obama was trying to take over our health care like a foreign invader.

One of your campaign promises was to reduce the size of government, cut government spending and balance the budget. How will you do this?

By reducing the size of government, slashing spending and balancing the budget.

But how will do accomplish this?

By doing just what I said.

But how are you going to do it?

Man up Donald and listen to what I am saying.

You are not saying anything specific. I just want to know how you are going to cut the size of government, what specific spending will you cut?

By balancing the budget

How?

Man you elites are such sore losers all you know how to do is attack

I am not attacking you I am simply asking what programs, departments and spending you are going to cut. Can you be specific?

By cutting fraud and waste
Can you be more specific? Would you cut defense spending?

No – How can you even suggest we hurt our brave service members like that? I will do anything to protect our troops.

There is no fraud or waste in the defense budget?

Who wrote your questions Karl Marx or Nancy Pelosi?

OK, so you won’t touch defense – Where else will you cut the fraud and waste?

It’s everywhere so I am going to find it and cut it.

Would you cut earmarks? Would you eliminate a government agency? How will you identify the fraud and waste?

I will know the waste and fraud when I see it and remove it.

Why won’t you tell me what you are willing to cut?

What part of I will cut fraud and waste don’t you understand?

You will not be able to remove it alone, you will be only 1 of 535 votes what if other members do not agree with what you find?

I have asked God for assistance with this and he will guide me and smite those who oppose the will of the American People who elected me.

With that, the newly elected Congressperson answers his cell phone; Yes Sarah I know you were right; I should have gone on Fox and Friends.